


Be Good. Be Safe.

by sodunwithyou



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blood, Character Death, Crying, Desperation, Doctor - Freeform, Funeral, Graphic Description, Hospitals, I'm so sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Nurses, this one hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 06:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6505489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodunwithyou/pseuds/sodunwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You gotta stay with me, you gotta, please.” There was crying, there was crying and begging and there was a car speeding through red lights, there was the screeching of brakes and the blaring of horns. “Please, please, stay with me, don’t close your eyes.”</p><p>But his eyes were falling shut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Good. Be Safe.

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote this I was listening to the beautifully sad 'Vacant Home' by Movements. (I cried.) It massively influenced where this one went.

“You gotta stay with me, you gotta, please.” There was crying, there was crying and begging and there was a car speeding through red lights, there was the screeching of brakes and the blaring of horns. “Please, please, stay with me, don’t close your eyes.”

But his eyes were falling shut.

They were falling shut and Josh couldn’t do a thing about it.

“Ty, Ty, come on you loser,” he laughed hysterically, desperate to keep him here with him, to keep him alive.

There was a small laugh from Tyler, which turned into a cough, “I love you J.”

“No. No. Please stop, please don’t say it like that,” Josh begged, tears pouring down his face. “Don’t say it like you’re leaving.”

There was blood. So much blood.

“Don’t wanna,” Tyler was reaching out a bloody hand, wet fingers gripping weakly at Josh’s shirt.

Josh was shaking his head again, holding onto Tyler and ignoring the way the blood made his skin crawl, “I won’t let you, I won’t let you Ty. You’re not leaving, okay? Not for a second.”

There was a smile, it was small and sad. It didn’t bring back the spark in Tyler’s eyes that was fading with every passing second. Growing duller and duller every time Josh looked over.

“It's funny how the tables have turned and the advice that you gave me is now mine to give to you,” Tyler spoke, voice wavering as tears slipped free. “A love in four simple words, forever keeping me, can now keep you too. Be good, be safe."

Josh had heard those words before. He’d heard them from his own mouth.

He’d whisper those into Tyler’s ear after he’d walked in on him cutting. He’d shout those words to Tyler with a laugh before he went anywhere. Tyler would smile softly, never failing to lock eyes with Josh and say “always.”

He’d heard those words before.

But never from Tyler.

He decided he didn’t like it.

“You’ll be there to keep me in line,” he said desperately.

There was pity shimmering in Tyler’s eyes. “It doesn’t hurt.”

“That’s beacuase it’s not that bad,” _lie_ , “you’re going to be fine,” _lie_ , “you’re not leaving me.” _Lie._

“I’ll always love you Josh.” Fingers were loosening their hold on him, eyes were closed again.

“No. Ty, we’re almost there. Hold on for me. I can’t. You. We made it this far,” he shouted desperately, speeding through another red light towards the hospital. It was just there. Just out of reach. It was so close.

But Tyler was so still. So quiet. So pale. So red.

There were tears on his cheeks, perfect little diamonds that weren’t moving.

His eyes were closed, they were closed and Josh prayed he’d see them open one more time.

“Tyler,” he whimpered, but there was no response. The car had barely stopped before he was rushing to get Tyler out of there.

He was dead weight in his arms. Still unmoving. He was cold. So cold. And that wasn’t right. Tyler was warm, he was warm and always moving, always twitching.

He pushed through the doors of the emergency room, “help! Please, somebody help him!” Josh screamed. There were doctors and nurses trying to take him but he couldn’t let go.

“We need to take him sir,” a nurse said, meeting Josh’s eyes. Her voice was soft, like Tyler’s and her eyes were a similar shade of brown. He let the body in his arms be taken away. “What happened to him? Can you tell us?”

“He fell,” Josh felt the tears burning his eyes, “he fell because he was so sure he could climb that high and I told him not to, but he just looked at me and smiled and he let out this little laugh and I couldn’t say no to him. His eyes were shining, and he looked so at home. He was looking at the stars. He was calling to me to look up too. I did. In time to see him falling, like an angel. God, Ty, my angel,” and then he was sobbing and the nurse was trying to calm him down but Josh couldn’t even breathe.

That was his Tyler.

The boy who’d stolen his heart.

The boy who he’d fought for. Who he’d fought with.

With a sickening realisation he felt the warm stickiness coating his hands, his face, drenching his shirt. It was Tyler. It was Tyler’s blood staining his skin. He tried rubbing it off, clawing at it in desperation. The nurse tried to pull his hands away, “we have a shower, you can get cleaned up.”

But Josh was past calming words. He hadn’t heard a word. He continued to scratch and scream and cry and call for the only one that could ever help him. “I. I need. Tyler. Where? I. Ty. I can’t lose him.”

“They’re doing all they can, come with me.” A man appeared in front of him, harsh words breaking through to Josh. He followed wordlessly, still crying and clawing. “We’ll get you cleaned up.”

And they did. Warm spray washed the red away, he watched it swirl down the drain. He scrubbed his skin raw. But he was still red. He was still stained. He could still feel the itch of dried blood.

 

 

 

 

The clothes they’d given him were too big. He sat in the waiting room with tears down his face and phone in hand. Tyler’s mother was coming. Pete was calling. Brendon was calling. His phone never stopped buzzing, but he couldn’t.

He just couldn’t.

“Josh?” At Kelly’s voice his head shot up. She looked awful. Eyes red and puffy, hair flying out at all angles. Behind her stood the Joseph family, looking similarly awful. There was a second where Josh was grateful that he’d cleaned up.

“He’s-” nothing else came out, only tears. He was wrapped in a hug, it was warm, but it wasn’t Tyler. “I need him.”

No one said a word. The wait seemed endless. Time passing as slowly as possible.

“Tyler Joseph?” They all looked up, Josh stumbling to his feet, somehow having hope he was okay, that he was alright.

“We can see him now, right? He’s okay?” The prolonged silence was answer enough. But Josh wouldn’t have it. Fresh tears were falling, he could vaguely hear Kelly and Maddie crying behind him. “You gotta take me to him. He’s alright. Tyler’s fine. I know he is. I can’t. I need. Tyler’s okay.” Josh pleaded.

It seemed as if the Doctor himself was about to start crying, eyes filling with a sadness as he watched the scene in front of him. “I am so sorry, but there was nothing we could do.”

“No. No. He’s okay. He’s got to be okay,” Josh shouted.

“If you would like to, you could, see the body.” Josh nodded before he knew what he was doing.

The doctor turned to the Josephs expectantly, “we’ll give him a moment.”

They followed behind trailing. They ended up wishing they’d stayed in the waiting room when they heard Josh’s screams, his sobbing, his shouting, his begging.

“Tyler, Tyler, man, you gotta wake up. This is funny, but now we’re going home and you’re going to smile at me like you always do and bring me Taco Bell so I forgive you. I. I need you. I can’t live without you. You’re my everything. Tyler! Stop it! Come back!”

He fell down to his knees, hands grabbing at Tyler’s pale body. It didn’t suit him. The grey. Josh wanted to see tanned skin, warm tanned skin. “Tyler, come back to me baby boy,” he sobbed, clutching at him like it would bring him back.

It didn’t.

It wouldn’t.

 

 

 

 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Maddie said softly. She looked so pretty. Josh knew that Tyler would love it.

“Yes I do.” Josh insisted. He avoided the mirror. He looked a mess and he knew it. He had barely eaten, his hair had grown out, his eyes were dull. (Dull like Tyler’s had been.)

There were gentle lips against his cheek, intended to comfort him, but they felt wrong. They weren’t Tyler’s. “You’ll be up in a minute.” He nodded, tears in his eyes. That minute felt like a second, life passing in a blur, before he was up on unsteady feet heading to the microphone.

He didn’t look at anyone, no one but Tyler. Tyler. “When I first met Tyler I was so stunned by his beauty that I hit him in the face with a basketball. When I first kissed him I knew I could never kiss another. Tyler was my light, my life, my reason to live. He fought through so much, so much. He didn’t deserve to leave now. He shouldn’t have left. He looked up at the stars, he got as close as he could, and now he’s up there with the stars, shining down on us. Because Tyler would do that. He’d be watching us all and calling us all dumb for crying because he’s gone. But I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s a Tyler sized hole in my heart. And. And. This is a goodbye. This is a real goodbye. And it’s all so real. I just. I wish he could be here with us.” There were yet more tears, Josh didn’t think he’d cried this much ever before.

The rest of the funeral was a blur.

He remembered Tyler being lowered into the ground. He remembered thinking Tyler probably wouldn’t want to be buried, he’d want to be drifting into the sky as ashes. But that just made him cry harder.

 

 

 

 

 

It took a week for him to gather the courage to visit the tombstone. He had flowers. Black and white roses. Tyler’s favourite. Never one to fall for a cliché.

He placed them down wordlessly, taking a seat by the grave. There wasn’t a word spoken for hours, the sun having fallen and left him in darkness. “Maybe they call it starting a new chapter, but I can never seem to finish the last one in time. Now the book keeps moving forward and I am always stuck one page behind. But these words that you always told me still resonate inside this space. I'm trying to be good, I'm trying to be safe.”

It was true. He was trying.

But it was hard. Because Tyler wasn’t here, Tyler wasn’t here and he was the reason he’d be safe.

“Even after your departure I can still hear you say, be good, be safe. It’s ringing in my ears. I just want to be with you Ty, I just, I want you back baby. I thought we were forever.” He pulled out a velvet box, staring sadly down at this, “I was going to make it forever. That’s why I dragged you out that night. I’ll never stop being sorry. Never. I’m trying Ty. But, without you, I, it’s. I love you, I’ll always love you.” He pressed a kiss to the tombstone before leaving with the ring on his finger.

He made it 6 months.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I'm sorry. I had to write this, been stuck in a funk for a while and thought this might help. Let me know what you thought. 
> 
> Tumblr: whatisdunisdun


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